SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 20 - The Millennium

“The Millenium”

First Script Read: Wednesday, March 5, 1997

Filmed: Tuesday, March 11, 1997

Aired: May 1, 1997

Nielsen rating: 20.3

Audience share: 31

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Jennifer Crittenden

I was listening to a Warren Littlefield interview the other day, a few weeks after finishing his book, Top of the Rock, about NBC in the 1990s. Talking about the early years of Seinfeld he noted how the show began as a show about nothing until Larry David "discovered" the fun of colliding multiple storylines together. (This moment happened around the middle of season two, when the busboy ran into Elaine's boyfriend in Jerry's hallway.) I've talked about the frequently interweaving plotlines in Seinfeld before, but I haven't yet noted the regularity of stories related to scheming and hijinks. Of course, Kramer is always coming up with a business idea or an invention; it's part of his typical behavior. The scheming I'm referring to is the planning and manipulation Seinfeld's characters use either to steer events or people in a favorable direction or get back at people who have wronged them. "The Millennium" has a lot of this kind of scheming.

Kramer and Newman discover they are plotting rival parties for the millennium New Year (which is, amusingly, still two and a half years away at the time of this story. Newman wants a Jerry-free Millennium, but in a compromise with Kramer he accepts Jerry as part of his scheme to secure the attendance of Elaine, his not-so-secret love.

Elaine, meanwhile, is out for revenge against Pudemayo, a South American-themed clothing store. She was unhappy with the service she got from the owner. She buys a bunch of clothes from another store, Cinqo de Mayo, before she realizes they are owned by the same person. Then she gets Kramer involved in a scheme to change the price tags on all the clothes. Kramer fails in this mission but succeeds in taking all the desiccants out of the clothes. Kramer insists the clothes won't last five years without them, but Elaine is unimpressed. Unbeknownst to both of them, Kramer accidentally drops a desiccant in the store's free salsa bowl, poisoning the customers and, perhaps, giving Elaine the revenge she seeks.

Jerry gets caught up in the schemes of his girlfriend Valerie's stepmother to secure the top spot on her speed dial. Her scheming is discovered and Valerie takes her stepmother off the speed dial completely. But Valerie gets mad at Jerry when he discovers her stepmother hid him in her "poison control" speed dial slot.

Finally, after getting a job offer from the Mets, George schemes to get fired in a spectacular fashion. But from his desecration of Yankee trophies to his body suit streak across the field, George repeatedly fails in his efforts. Finally, he incurs the wrath of Steinbrenner, but at the last moment, his boss, Mr. Wilhelm, takes the fall; he's interested in the Mets job too.

Their schemes almost never work, but their failings are a key ingredient in the recipe for humor, in Seinfeld as well as many other comedies before and since.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 19 - The Yada Yada

“The Yada Yada”

First Script Read: Thursday, February 27, 1997

Filmed: Wednesday, March 5, 1997

Aired: April 24, 1997

Nielsen rating: 21.1

Audience share: 33

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Peter Mehlman and Jill Franklyn (Franklyn is a friend of Mehlman’s who he invited to try writing a script with him.)

"Yada yada yada" wasn't invented in this episode, but Seinfeld certainly gave it a bump in usage. George's girlfriend breezes through stories by inserting the phrase throughout her conversation. George appreciates her concise style, until he discovers the dark secrets she is yada yada'ing - from sex to petty thievery. 

Ironically, writer Peter Mehlman thought "anti-dentite" would be the phrase the viewers seized on. Jerry is accused of being an anti-dentite when he starts suggesting Dr. Whatley converted to Judaism for the jokes. Whatley brushes off the accusation, but further infuriates Jerry when he keeps making Catholic jokes because he used to be Catholic. Jerry eventually goes to visit a priest in a confessional just to tattle on Whatley.

But it's Beth (last seen in season seven's "The Wait Out") to whom Jerry confesses he really does hate dentists. Beth has remarried a guy, Arnie, who Elaine has hated since he shushed her at the movies. Elaine disrupts Beth and Arnie's adoption plans when she tells the adoption agency the shushing story, and the conflict ultimately ends their marriage. Jerry swoops in and brings Beth to a wedding where he tells her his feelings on dentists. "Yeah, who needs 'em?" she agrees, then adds, "not to mention the Blacks and the Jews!"

"The Yada Yada" deals as much with Jerry's Jewish identity as any episode. Jerry, as he tells the priest, is not by Whatley's behavior because he is Jewish but because he is a comedian. And, Jerry doesn't add, because he is petty. The fact that Beth never knew Jerry was Jewish isn't a surprise. He almost never references it and only engages with his faith (i.e. wears a yarmulke) when family or acquaintances have a religious event. Religion exists in the world of Seinfeld and comes up every once in a while, but it is not something the main characters are at all interested in engaging with.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 18 - The Nap

“The Nap”

First Script Read: February 16, 1997

Filmed: February 16-18, 1997

Aired: April 10, 1997

Nielsen rating: 21.1

Audience share: 33

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin

This episode is really funny but EXTREMELY absurd. Seinfeld had dabbled in the improbable before, but in this episode the unbelievable elements keep piling on top of each other. Some could argue convincingly it happened earlier, but if Seinfeld jumped the shark, this is the episode. Here's a run-down of the absurdity:

-George makes plans to have his desk re-modeled so he can take naps underneath it at work

-George begins napping away the entire work day. When his nap is done, he grabs his coat and heads home. No one confronts him about his work.

-Kramer begins swimming laps in the East River. He likes it even though he begins to smell like the East River.

-Steinbrenner sits in George's office for three and a half hours waiting for George, who is napping under the desk.

-About half a dozen of Steinbrenner's grandchildren find their grandfather in George's office and begin playing.

-George, afraid of getting caught by Steinbrenner, calls Jerry from his phone under his desk and asks Jerry to call in a bomb threat so Steinbrenner will evacuate.

-When the bomb threat is announced, Steinbrenner tells all of his grandchildren to hide under the desk rather than leave the building.

-Instead of being angry with George, Steinbrenner thinks George had ESP and had been hiding under his desk all afternoon, somehow knowing the bomb threat would be called in.

-Steinbrenner decides he will negotiate with the mad bomber and asks George to see that the bomber's (Jerry's) demands for a fitted hat day are met.

-Jerry's carpenter remodels Jerry's kitchen so it is filled with cabinets. There is barely any space to move, see, or talk.

-At George's request, Jerry as the mad bomber calls Steinbrenner back and changes his demand from fitted ht day to a service that calls season ticket holders ahead of time if there is a rain out. Steinbrenner again puts George on the job.

-George resumes his under-the-desk napping routine.

-Steinbrenner comes into George's office to look for George but hears George's ticking alarm clock in his space under the desk. Steinbrenner thinks it is a bomb and runs out of the office screaming.

-Elaine's mattress, which was given to her by her boyfriend who works at a mattress store, now smells like the East River because Kramer used it. She injures her back trying to move the mattress. It falls on her and traps her.

-Word of Kramer's East River lap swimming idea spreads and soon his swimming area is crowded with people. One older gentlemen jumps into the water and Kramer watches as he sinks "like a stone!" This tragedy is never dealt with or mentioned again.

-Steinbrenner calls in the bomb squad which sends in a robot to George's office to chainsaw the desk.

-To George's disappointment, Steinbrenner announces that to prevent future bomb threats he's going to take out all the desks and replace them with four-legged tables.

-Kramer runs into Elaine swimming in the East River to help her back.

-Jerry's apartment is back to normal. In the final scene he opens a small upper cabinet to reveal George sleeping inside.

You could argue that a premise like the existence of the doppelgangers in "The Bizarro Jerry." However, that craziness worked in the service of a multi-layered joke. "The Bizarro Jerry" is both silly and clever. There's nothing clever in "The Nap." Steinbrenner crosses over from comically irrational boss to cartoonishly irrational boss. The difference isn't vast but it is noticeable. Kramer's idea of swimming in the East River could be acceptable because he is known to be an eccentric. But ultimately the least eccentric character, Elaine, joins him in the muck. Crazy becomes normal. All bets are off.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 17 - The English Patient

"The English Patient"

Filmed: Thursday, February 11, 1997

Aired: March 13, 1997

Nielsen rating: 21.6

Audience share: 33

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Steve Koren

One of the best qualities of Seinfeld that is seen much less often after Larry David left was the show's ability to use simple scenarios to comment on the complexities of American society. This is a hilarious episode, but I've been staring at my notes for fifteen minutes and I can't come up with anything interesting to say about it. It's easier to find those nuggets of insight into the human behavior during the Larry David era. This episode is about human behavior, but in very simple ways.

Elaine runs into trouble because she hates The English Patient. Her boyfriend decides he can't be with someone who doesn't like the film, and her boss, Peterman, fires her when she admits she doesn't like it. (She gets her job back at the end of the episode by flying to Tunisia to be inspired by the desert). Elaine's story is about feeling isolated when you don't like something that most other people do.

George runs into a beautiful woman who mistakes him for her boyfriend, Neil. Amazed that someone who looks like him could get such a striking beauty, George investigates Neil. Accidentally, he ends up earning the woman's affections. However, Neil fights back and eventually George loses the fight. George's story is about a woman with a surprising taste in men.

Jerry gives his dad a t-shirt that says "#1 DAD" on it, prompting a feud with the Mandelbaum family (including Izzy, played by Lloyd Bridges). The Mandelbaums try to out-do Jerry by lifting heavy objects. They all fail and end up in the hospital with bad backs. Jerry's story is about the silliness of competitiveness.

Kramer imports three Cuban men to roll cigars, trying to start a legal Cuban cigar business. His partner, Earl Haffler (last seen in season six's The Diplomat's Club), discovers the men are actually Dominicans and bails on the deal. Kramer finds them a job rolling crepes for the Mandelbaum's family business while the Mandelbaums are recuperating. It all backfires when the Domincans roll the crepes too tightly, causing them to squirt their hot contents into the faces of customers. Kramer's story is about...I dunno...it's just a silly pun about Cuban cigars.

The conclusions intertwine in a Larry David-like fashion. In a clever parallel to the plot of The English Patient, Neil gets burned by the tightly-rolled crepes, and his resulting injuries earn him the sympathy from his girlfriend that beats out George. Angered by their treatment, the Dominicans end up hijacking Elaine's flight to Tunisia, turning off the in-flight film she is excited about seeing, Sack Lunch. Ultimately though, the episode, while enjoyable, doesn't have anything to say.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 16 - The Pothole

“The Pothole”

First Script Read: Wednesday, January 22, 1997

Filmed: Monday-Thursday, January 27-30, 1997 (Shot out of order, rather than in front of a studio audience because of the complexity of the episode.)

Aired: February 20, 1997

Nielsen rating: 22.6

Audience share: 34

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Steve O’Donnell (also wrote season eight's The Checks) and Dan O’Keefe (His first of six episodes)

Jerry's neatness is often joked about in the show. Here it drives his storyline. He accidentally knocks his girlfriend's toothbrush into the toilet. Before he can warn her, Jenna (played by Kristin Davis of Sex in the City fame), uses it to brush her teeth. Disgusted, Jerry can't kiss her. 

Without telling Jenna what happened, he buys her a new electric toothbrush and discreetly adds bleach to her mouthwash. Still, Jerry can't kiss her. He lies and says he's coming down with a cold. Later, Elaine gives him a warning:
ELAINE: Jer', do you see where this is going?
JERRY : Being really clean and happy?
ELAINE : Jerry, you have tendencies. They're always annoying, but they were just tendencies. But now, if you can't kiss this girl, I'm afraid we're talking disorder.
JERRY : Disorder?
ELAINE : And from disorder you're a quirk or two away from full-on dementia.
JERRY : Hmm, that could hurt me.

As a television character, Jerry can get away with his various tendencies because he is so self-aware. He acknowledges his traits in a frank, humorous fashion. Kramer, for contrast, has limited self-awareness. He doesn't realize how strange he is. That makes him lovable, too, but his character functions as a source of weirdness among his three other self-aware friends who greatly desire to be normal. Jerry's character is the straight man and the center of the show's universe, and thus when he exhibits tendencies, such as his anal-retentive side, that could otherwise come off as unlikable and/or a mark of strangeness, his character must either fix himself to restore order to the center or mock himself to acknowledge that order is an impossible ideal. Usually, Seinfeld takes the opposite approach.

Jerry finally tells Jenna about the toothbrush. Angry, she locks him out of his apartment for a moment while she puts something in the toilet. She leaves without telling him what it is. He freaks out and starts throwing out every item he owns. Finally Jenna tells him what it was - his toilet brush. Jerry, noting with relief that he can replace his toilet brush, heads to Jenna's for dinner. (He threw out all his dishes.) Once there, Jerry and Jenna put the toilet incident behind them. Meanwhile outside, George is jack-hammering a pothole to retrieve his dropped keys. He hits a pipe which (somehow) causes Jenna's toilet to explode all over her. Jerry takes one look at his soaked girlfriend, makes a quick judgment, and bids her, "Have a nice life!"

Jerry's tendencies remain, but he can still occupy the center of the show. He did make a noble effort to make things work with Jenna. It's his sarcastic attitude towards the tendencies of his world - his own and those of the people around him - that establish him as an authority on his own world. He is the judge. And his proclamations about the behavior he observes may be bitter and cynical, but they are also honest.