SEINFELD - Season 7, Episode 14 - The Cadillac

“The Cadillac”

First Script Read: Thursday, January 4 and Wednesday, January 31, 1996 (Extra material added to make it an hour long rather than cut it down to half an hour)

Filmed: January 10 and February 1, 1996

Aired: February 8, 1996 (1 hour)

Nielsen rating: 23.9

Audience share: 36

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld

For all his faults, and they are numerous, George does obey a few of society's standards for morality. He will lie, but he won't steal. He'll get angry, but he won't resort to violence. He will go to great lengths to attract and keep a woman, but he won't cheat on a woman he is with. Back in season three ("The Good Samaritan") he did sleep with a married woman. He was uneasy about it before he did it and remorseful afterwards, but the woman reassured him that she was the one who committed adultery, and if it wasn't with him it would have been with someone else.

Now, in the midst of a miserable engagement which he doesn't have the courage to break off, George's faithfulness to Susan is put to a severe test. With Elaine providing both the connection and the alibi, George meets the beautiful actress Marisa Tomei, who apparently likes quirky, funny, bald guys. He can't help himself. The meeting, which he convinces himself is not a date, goes very well. But when the actress, clearly under the impression that it IS a date, asks George why he isn't with anyone, George confesses he is engaged. She punches him in the face and leaves.

Jerry, for once, is trying to do something good for someone else. He's gotten a big check for a stand-up gig and Kramer wants to know what he'll do with it:

JERRY: Actually, I was thinking of donating a large portion of it to charity.
KRAMER : Really?
JERRY : No.
KRAMER : Well, you should, Jerry.
JERRY : No, to tell you the truth, I was thinking of buying my father a new car.
KRAMER : Now, you see, that's nice.
JERRY : Maybe a Cadillac.
KRAMER : Cadillac! Ooh-la-la!
JERRY : Yeah. That would really blow his mind. He's always wanted one his whole life. He's never been able to afford it. I'm gonna do it!
KRAMER : You're gonna score some big points with the man upstairs on this one.
JERRY : [sarcastic] Oh, isn't that what it's all about?

Though he identifies himself as a Jew, Jerry is cynical about the idea of God. It's unclear if he doesn't believe in God, but it is clear that he doesn't think much about the idea that his actions on earth have any cosmic significance. Nor does he care much about helping people he doesn't have a relationship with. We have seen him try to take care of his friends throughout the series in little ways that usually backfire. And he certainly loves his parents even if they consistently drive him crazy. His worldview matches the worldview of all the show's characters: they place an importance on their most intimate relationships, but consider other exterior beings, from God to neighbors to coworkers to passing acquaintances to significant others, merely nuisances who are only useful for what they can provide to Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer.

SEINFELD - Season 7, Episode 13 - The Seven

“The Seven”

First Script Read: Saturday, December 9, 1995

Filmed: Wednesday, December 13, 1995

Aired: February 1, 1996

Nielsen rating: 24.3

Audience share: 36

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer

The episode explores, through its various storylines, how an individual's ownership of property, both intellectual and physical, is tested by the bonds of friendship and family.

George has come up with a name for his firstborn child. Regardless of Susan's negativity, he is enthusiastic about about the name "Seven" because it is unique and meaningful; it's Mickey Mantle's number. George has been suggesting other names to Susan's cousin, Ken, and his pregnant wife, Carrie. When they hear about "Seven" they decide to take that name:

KEN: Why can't we use Seven?
GEORGE: It's my name. I made it up. You can't just steal it.
CARRIE: Well, it's not as if Susan's pregnant. You've already postponed the wedding. Who knows if you'll ever get married.
GEORGE: Hey, hey hey. Don't worry about me. I'm not a waffler. I don't waffle!
KEN: Right, we're both big Mickey Mantle fans, and we love the name. It's very unusual.

George is claiming basic intellectual property rights; as creator of the unique name, he insists on exclusive rights to use it, and to deny usage to other people. As George explains to Susan in another scene, part of its value as a name is that it is original and thus has cachet. Ken also likes it because it is unusual. Partly, he is taking the name because there is no legal recourse for George to stop him. His stated justification, though, is that if he doesn't use it the name may very likely be unused. George may never get married to his cousin and the excellent name will remain only an idea. At least Ken has the opportunity to put the name into practice. Also, had Susan already been pregnant and George had convinced her to name the baby "Seven," Ken suggests that he would not steal the name. The determining factor on both sides is whether the name will be used. If it is used by one side or the other, it loses its value to the opposite party. At no point does either side cite the familial relationship between Ken and Susan as a reason to use or not use the name. It doesn't come up, and we can only assume it doesn't occur to either Ken or George that their relationship might be strained down the road by their choices in this dispute.

Things are equally tense between other close friends. Kramer finds himself in the middle of two complicated property arguments, one with Jerry and one with Elaine. Early in the episode Kramer makes himself a sandwich from Jerry's refrigerator, but he leaves it unfinished on the counter when he discovers Jerry has no Dijon mustard. Jerry complains:
JERRY: Hey, hey. Wha... wait... what, you're gonna leave it there? That's like half a pound of turkey!
KRAMER: No, no, I can't eat that. You can't eat a sandwich without Dijon.
JERRY: Yeah, you're right. I really should keep more of your favorites on hand.
KRAMER: Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. What, are you unhappy with our arrangement?
JERRY: What arrangement?
KRAMER: Well, I was under the impression that I could take anything I wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want from mine.
JERRY: Yeah, well, lemme know when you get something in there and I will.

Later, still worried about his relationship with Jerry, Kramer returns with an idea. He'll keep a list of the food he takes from Jerry and at the end of each week Jerry will give him a bill. Jerry, to his credit, protests and invites Kramer to continue taking whatever he'd like, but Kramer insists. The system actually causes more tension in their relationship. Kramer begins leaving half-eaten fruit and half-drank cans of soda, claiming he only bought one half. The more both of them worry about the value of the goods Kramer is taking, the more each one frets. When Jerry does present Kramer with the bill, they're both amazed at how high it is. Jerry closes the "food court" until Kramer can pay. Their relationship has been strained, but Kramer, to his credit, does go and get the money to pay Jerry back immediately. Both are satisfied. More importantly, Kramer's plan to continue paying Jerry for food he takes is never mentioned again. Their relationship is at its healthiest when Jerry is generous AND when Kramer embraces his neighbor's offer of generosity. The only problem is, still, Kramer's lack of complete respect for Jerry's property, but that is something Jerry must accept. It's what makes Kramer Kramer and, in a way, is what Jerry loves about his neighbor.

Kramer is deeply concerned with fairness, and his motivation in settling his food account with Jerry stems from his realization that his neighbor thinks their arrangement is unfair. Likewise, when Elaine offers, in a completely off-hand way, a bicycle she purchased at a vintage toy store to anyone who can fix her sore back, Kramer expects her to live up to this offer when he makes her feel better. Elaine refuses and a rift opens in their friendship, complicated when Kramer's fix proves to be only temporary for the suffering Elaine. Both are stubborn in this case, but they finally agree to put the case into the arbitration of a third party. Newman's wisdom is sought. He borrows a solution from King Solomon, proposing to cut the bicycle in half. When Kramer protests that he'd rather see Elaine get the bicycle than destroy it, Newman awards the bike to Kramer.

In the three cases, only Jerry and Kramer's dispute is settled amicably, and that is because they settle back into their old habits, Jerry's neighborly acceptance of Kramer taking his property and Kramer's neighborly assumption that Jerry's property is welcome to him. Elaine is unhappy with the bike solution, especially when Kramer sells the bike to Newman to pay his debt to Jerry. No matter her friendship with Kramer, Elaine was not serious in her offer to give up her bike, and is resistant to giving it to her friend, especially when her back pain returns. Kramer, in return, is unsympathetic to Elaine's case. A deal is a deal, even when it involves miscommunication between friends. In their appeal to a third party, they are both seeking justice OVER friendship. True friendship should not seek fairness and justice, but should ideally be selfless and loving. George and Ken will be related, albeit distantly, once George gets married to Susan. Their future relationship might also benefit from selflessness, but, like Kramer and Elaine, neither is willing to put the health of their relationship over their own desires. Ironically, it is only Jerry and Kramer who manage to navigate their property dispute at the end of the episode, and it is only by ignoring his claim to his property can the otherwise quite selfish Jerry restore harmony to his relationship with Kramer.

SEINFELD - Season 7, Episode 12 - The Caddy

“The Caddy”

First Script Read: Friday, December 1, 1995

Filmed: Wednesday, December 6, 1995

Aired: January 25, 1996

Nielsen rating: 21.9

Audience share: 34

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin

Seinfeld first parodied the OJ Simpson murder case in season six's "The Big Salad." Having created a caricature of Simpson's lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, in Jackie Chiles (who first appeared in "The Maestro"), it made sense that the show would return to Simpson for material. When O Henry! candy bar heiress Sue Ellen Mischke wears a bra as a top on the street, it distracts Jerry and Kramer, causing a car accident. Parodying the court case which riveted the American public throughout 1995, Chiles asks Sue Ellen to try on the bra. Like the bloody glove and Simpson's hand, the bra doesn't fit Sue Ellen as she tries it on in court over her leotard. Chiles loses another case, all because Kramer took the advice of Stan the Caddy over his lawyer.

Meanwhile, unrelated to both Sue Ellen and OJ Simpson, George realizes locking the keys in his car at the Yankee parking lot has been fantastic for his career. His bosses, the early arriving George Steinbrenner and late leaving Mr. Wilhelm, are convinced he is working longer hours than anyone. Taking advantage of the unintentional deception, he and Susan leave town for a vacation. George realizes the local take out restaurants will drop flyers on his car and sends Jerry and Kramer to clear them off. The Sue Ellen-caused accident happens to George car while Jerry and Kramer are taking it to get it washed. The car barely makes it back to the parking lot. When Wilhelm and Steinbrenner spot it, they become convinced George crawled out of the car and died in a ditch somewhere. Word gets out and eventually George's parents think he's dead. Hilarity ensues.

Whenever the characters try to do something good, they end up in trouble. In this episode, other than Jerry kindly taking George's car to get it cleaned, the characters are acting purely out of self interest. Jerry and Kramer get into an argument about each other's motives which sums up a lot of the behavior depicted in the series:
KRAMER: Ah, ah, ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now you're willing to sell me and Elaine and whoever else you have to right down the river.
JERRY: And what about yooou?!? Trying to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars for honest, hard-working Americans!
KRAMER: You're just out for sex!
JERRY: You're just out for money!
 Jerry's desire for Sue Ellen almost prevents him from testifying on Kramer's behalf. When he does testify, he loses his shot with Sue Ellen. Kramer's frivolous law suit falls flat, just as George ultimately misses his shot at a promotion when Steinbrenner thinks he's dead. And Elaine's desire for revenge against her nemesis, Sue Ellen, is unsatisfied. They get nowhere and learn nothing.

SEINFELD - Season 7, Episode 11 - The Rye

“The Rye”

First Script Read: Sunday, November 19, 1995

Filmed: Wednesday, November 22, 1995

Aired: January 4, 1996

Nielsen rating: 23.1

Audience share: 34

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writers: Carol Leifer (This is Leifer's final Seinfeld script before leaving to create and star in her own sitcom, Alright Already, which aired for one season on the WB.)

Carol Leifer's last contribution to Seinfeld gives her one final shot to do what she does best - write insightful comedy about the female's role in relationships. This time she has Elaine in a relationship with a jazz saxophonist, John. Almost everything is going great. Elaine just isn't completely satisfied with their sex life. To put it far more bluntly than the script does, John won't give her oral sex. In Larry David-ian fashion, Leifer's script dances playfully around the issue, meeting network television standards:

ELAINE: Well, actually, he, um, doesn't really like to do...everything.
JERRY: Oh.
ELAINE: Yeah. It's surprising.
JERRY: Yes, it is. It is surprising. Does that bother you?
ELAINE: No. No, it doesn't bother me. I mean, it would be nice. I'm not gonna lie to you and say it wouldn't be nice.
JERRY: Sure. Why not? You're there.
ELAINE: Exactly.

Eventually Elaine, in her own words, "gets the little squirrel to come over to her." John isn't completely satisfied with the result though. Plus, his mouth is tired. He ends up bombing a big performance, leading Elaine to quietly slip away.

Meanwhile, in the more hilarious and memorable storyline, Kramer, Jerry, and George are involved in a complex scheme to take Susan's parents out for a hansom cab ride so they can smuggle a marble rye back into the apartment so the Rosses won't realize George's parents took back a rye they had brought to dinner. The horse ends up with Beef-a-Rino-caused gas. The rye ends up on a fish hook. And George ends up busted by Susan and her parents.