SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 20 - The Hamptons

“The Hamptons”

First Script Read:  Saturday, April 9, 1994

Filmed: Wednesday, April 13, 1994 (last episode filmed this season, though it was never intended to be last shown)

Aired: 9:00pm, May 12, 1994

Nielsen rating: 17.7

Audience share: 26

Directed: Tom Cherones (last episode he directed)

Writer: Peter Mehlman and Carol Leifer

This is Tom Cherones' last episode as director of Seinfeld. He was replaced by Andy Ackerman, who got to play with a brand new New York City street set starting in season six. Cherones' didn't do anything notable until his appearances on the Seinfeld DVD commentary track. Well, that's not totally fair. He also worked on Ellen, Caroline in the City, and the very solid NewsRadio.

Television directors get a lot less credit than film directors because they have much less to do with the final product. On a show like Seinfeld, with the two creators serving as star actor and show runner, Cherones and Ackerman were just there to make sure all the levers got pulled. The writers and the actors were doing a lot of funny stuff, and it was up to the director to make sure it looked good and was captured clearly, cleanly, and efficiently on camera. Any stylistic difference you might notice between seasons five and seasons six, then, should be chalked up to Seinfeld's continued evolution, as well as the rise of the writing team of Max Pross and Tom Gammill and other new additions to the writers' room. The director is supposed to make every episode look and feel the same, especially when the show is a hit. If Andy Ackerman caused the show to look different, that would be a failure on his part, not an achievement. If he wanted to be in charge of the overarching vision he would have been a film director.

All that said, there is good directing in "The Hamptons." The staging of Jane's topless saunter across the porch in front of Kramer, Jerry, and Elaine is hilarious. The lighting of the scene when Kramer stops Jerry's girlfriend, Rachel, from breaking her kosher diet by sneaking a late night lobster snack is nicely executed, given the limitations of TV studio lighting.

But television, they say, is a writer's medium, and this episode lingers because of one word - "shrinkage":

GEORGE: Well, I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold...

JERRY: Oh. You mean, shrinkage.

GEORGE: Yes. Significant shrinkage!

JERRY: So you feel you were shortchanged.

GEORGE: Yes! I mean, if she thinks that's me she's under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me.

JERRY: Well, so what's the difference?

GEORGE: What if she discusses it with Jane?

JERRY: Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.

GEORGE: How do you know?

JERRY: Women aren't like us.

GEORGE: They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?

JERRY: No, I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides, I think women know about shrinkage.

GEORGE: How do women know about shrinkage? (ELAINE PASSES BY IN THE HALL) Elaine! Get in! Do women know about shrinkage?

ELAINE: What do you mean, like laundry?

GEORGE: No.

JERRY: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...

ELAINE: It shrinks?

JERRY: Like a frightened turtle!

ELAINE: Why does it shrink?

GEORGE: It just does.

ELAINE: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

What's amazing about this scene is that it was obsolete as soon as it aired. Twenty million people saw it and thus a new definition of "shrinkage" entered the American language. Before May 12, 1994, most American women probably did not know about shrinkage. After that date, the phenomenon became more widely understood because a popular TV show gave it a name. People who have never seen the episode will nonetheless have heard a joke about "shrinkage" from at least the time they were in middle school. I daresay some young women know that the penis shrinks in cold water at an earlier age than they know cotton clothing shrinks in the laundry. If Jane had only seen this episode, she might have given George a shot.

SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 19 - The Fire

“The Fire”

First Script Read:  March 4, 1994

Filmed: March 7-8, 1994

Aired: 9:00pm, May 5, 1994

Nielsen rating: 19.3

Audience share: 30

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry Charles (last Seinfeld script)

Off goes Larry Charles to find glory (or at least a higher paycheck) as an executive producer of Mad about You. Next he produced the Dilbert animated series for UPN. Then he reconnected with Patrick Wharburton (well, actually Charles was gone by the time Wharburton started appearing as David Puddy on Seinfeld) to do the short-lived live action comic book TV series, The Tick, on Fox. He swung back in the right direction, in terms of cultural resonance at least, with a couple years as executive producer of Entourage (2004-05). After that he became Sacha Baron Cohen's preferred director in between his job as a producer and director for Curb Your Enthusiasm. I suspect "director of Borat" will appear higher than "producer and writer for the first half of Seinfeld's run" on his obituary, but what do you think? IMDb has Seinfeld first in his bio right now. Could go either way.


Unlike most of Seinfeld's writers to this point, Charles's had sprung from television writing rather than stand-up comedy. So its ironic that his final episode deals extensively with Jerry's experience with a heckler. Kramer brings the "full of life/full of something" Toby to see one of Jerry's acts, and Toby promptly boos the comedian in front of an important reviewer. Jerry then lives out the comedian's cliché and goes down to where she works (Pendant Publishing, with Elaine) to heckle her. 


Charles is more himself with George's storyline, which contains guns and violence. Without any explanation of how they met, George is dating a single mother, Robin. According to Jerry he gets along shockingly well with the child, although there is little visual evidence offered to the audience that this is true. At the child's birthday he gets into an argument with a party clown (Jon Favreau in a clown costume!) who has never heard of Bozo the Clown. Then he panics over a small kitchen fire and pushes children and grandmothers out of the way to get himself to safety. Somehow, he gets one more chance with Robin, but the same scenario repeats itself when Ronnie the prop comic pulls a fake gun, scaring George. Another relationship ends for George, and Larry Charles leaves Seinfeld, not with a bang, but with just a bit of smoke.

SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 18 - The Raincoats

“The Raincoats”

First Script Read: ??

Filmed: March 22-23, 1994

Aired: 9:00pm, April 28, 1994

Nielsen rating: ??

Audience share:??

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writers: Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Larry David, and Jerry Seinfeld

This hour-long episode weaves through several classic story lines. Judge Reinhold guest stars as Aaron, Elaine's close talking boyfriend who goes WAY out of his way to make sure Jerry's parents have a good time in New York City. Reinhold got a deserved Emmy nomination for his over-the-top earnestness. Very few scenes were stolen from the Seinfeld regulars over the years, but I would argue Aaron's close talking scenes, as well as his final Schindler's List parody scene - "...This ring! This ring is one more dinner I could've taken them out to! ..." - are high in the running for best moments a guest actor had on Seinfeld. Only Teri Hatcher's "They're real, and they're spectacular!" comes to mind as a challenger in that category.

But I'll leave J. Reinhold to his court because there is more hilarity to discuss. Morty Seinfeld and Kramer launch an ill-fated venture to sell Morty's old beltless trenchcoats to a vintage clothing store. Jerry is forced into celibacy by his parents' extended stay and the fact that his girlfriend, Rachel, lives with her parents. Thus, the two take advantage of the length of Schindler's List to make out for a couple hours, much to fellow moviegoer Newman's disgust. George, anticipating Larry David's behavior in season eight of Curb Your Enthusiasm, tries to get out of volunteering for a "Big Brother" program by claiming he is going to Paris. And George's parents, after repeated dinner invitations are scorned by the Seinfelds, realize Morty and Helen don't like them. There isn't much room left for Elaine, who plays the "straight woman" to Reinhold's performance, baffled by the attention he lavishes on the senior Seinfelds.

The generational rift between Jerry and George and their respective parents grows wider in this episode. Jerry cannot wait for his parents to leave so his life can get back to normal, i.e. so he can have regular sex. George, ever the prodigal son, pretends his father is dead in order to make a quick buck selling his old clothes from the attic:
GEORGE: I guess I've been hanging on to them for so long 'cause I couldn't accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever.
RUDY, THE VINTAGE CLOTHING STORE MANAGER: Uh huh.
GEORGE: They will get a good home won't they?
RUDY: Look, I gotta be honest with you. There's nothing here too spectacular.
GEORGE: Oh I beg to differ. My father took great pride in his appearance. He was a very handsome man. A Casanova really.
RUDY: I'll give you 200 dollars for the three boxes.
GEORGE: Could you make it 225? That was his high game in bowling.



George's relationship with his parents hinges on the fact that he is bound to them by blood. He feels a responsibility to them. He'll move out at the end of the episode, but, as crazy as they are, he can't shake that connection. He might love them on some deeper level, but he certainly doesn't like them. Jerry is kinder to his parents, but ultimately his relationship with them is also purely based on blood. Typical of his character, he goes through the motions which he believes a good son is expected to go through. He will let his parents stay with him when they are in New York. He won't ask them for extra space while they are in town. He will help his father with his crazy trenchcoat scheme. He'll do all the things that make his parents declare him to be such a good son, but he'll do them more out of responsibility than genuine fondness.

Family relationships are nowhere near as intimate as the relationships between friends in Seinfeld. Families are more a responsibility than a blessing. Families are more likely to create problems than to help solve problems. This is perhaps the most important distinction between Seinfeld and the traditional sitcom.

SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 17 - The Wife

“The Wife”

First Script Read:  February 18, 1994

Filmed: Tuesday, March 1, 1994

Aired: 9:00pm, March 17, 1994

Nielsen rating: 20.9

Audience share: 33

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Peter Mehlman

Jerry pretends to be married to Meryl (played by Courtney Cox weeks before landing a role on Friends) so she can take advantage of his dry cleaning discount. This gives Seinfeld a chance to poke fun at marriage. At first, the pretend marriage goes well:

JERRY: And I'll tell you, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus I love saying "my wife." Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop. "My wife" this, "My wife" that. It's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

KRAMER: "My wife has an inner ear infection."

JERRY: See?

The shine on the pretend marriage quickly starts to wear. Soon, Meryl is on the couch gorging on chocolates and the two start bickering over small things, like the location of a missing can opener. When Jerry runs into a beautiful woman, Paula, who can't afford her dry cleaning bill, he pushes her to allow him to use his discount on her clothes. She is persuaded and the two begin an affair. Meryl finds out about it when she collects Paula's clothes from the dry cleaners. Meryl confronts Jerry, who asks for a divorce.

MERYL: What happened to us, Jerry?
JERRY: I'll tell you what happened. We got married.
MERYL: I'm sorry, this is my fault. I pushed it on you.
JERRY: No. I guess I just wasn't ready for the responsibilities of a pretend marriage.

Typical for Seinfeld, marriage is portrayed as a mistake. In this episode it's much worse than, say, cheating a dry cleaner or cheating on your girlfriend.

SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 16 - The Stand-In

“The Stand-In”

First Script Read:  February 10, 1994

Filmed: Tuesday, February 15, 1994

Aired: 9:00pm, February 24, 1994

Nielsen rating: 17

Audience share: 24

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry David

This is the first appearance of Kramer's friend and fellow actor, Mickey. His storyline, in which he takes Kramer's advice to put lifts into his shoes and thus incurs the wrath of his fellow little people stand-ins, is the most memorable part of this episode. Mickey, played by Danny Woodburn, is a memorable character. His temper and intensity, as well as the contrast and interplay with the gangly Kramer, makes for good comedy. But the character does raise the question of what parts actors of small stature should accept and play. The truth is Mickey is funnier because Woodburn is a little person, just as Newman is funnier because Wayne Knight was overweight. It's funny watching Mickey angrily tackle Kramer, who is three times his size. It's funny because Kramer is three times Mickey's size. He is entertaining by making his body into a spectacle. But maybe this twinge of uncertainty only exists because of the history of exploitation in American popular culture, from little people to ethnic minorities.

Again, Mickey is the best part of this episode. Elsewhere, Larry David's script tries to juggle a few too many auxiliary characters. There are too many casual friends of Jerry in this episode. There is Al Netchie who sees Jerry and George on the bus and goes on to tell George's girlfriend she should stay away from George because he is afraid of commitment. George, about to break up with her, sticks it out to stick it to Netchie. There is Fulton, Jerry's sick friend who Jerry twice tries to cheer up. The first time Jerry bombs his hospital gig. At the end of the episode he makes Fulton laugh so hard he passes out and, perhaps, dies. There is also Pachyderm, an intriguingly nicknamed friend who is never shown but is often spoken of in reference to a funny event when he dropped two pieces of pizza. And there is Phil Titola, who, on a date with Elaine set up by Jerry, takes his penis out of his pants WELL before Elaine is expecting it to appear.

Other than Elaine's memorable "he took it out" discussion with Jerry, the episode is a relative mess because of all these characters. Larry David can get away with a handful of people popping in and out of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, but it falls flat on Seinfeld. The extra six or seven minutes to flesh out characters helps. In the faster-paced Seinfeld, its easy for the audience to get lost.

SEINFELD - Season 5, Episode 15 - The Pie

First Script Read:  Thursday, January 13, 1994

Filmed: Tuesday, February 8, 1994 (4 weeks after the script was finished because of the L.A. earthquake. Seinfeld almost departed CBS Studios for Paramount but CBS Studios' crew worked around the clock to repair the damage.)

Aired: 9:00pm, February 17, 1994

Nielsen rating: 16.5

Audience share: 23

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Tom Gammill and Max Pross

This is the Elaine mannequin episode. That mannequin still cracks me up every time I see it. I love when Jerry is driving Elaine and the Elaine mannequin around and Julia Louis-Dreyfus pulls off the exact same facial expression painted on the mannequin. Kramer making out with the mannequin is also brilliant. (See the DVD blooper reel for another minute or so of Michael Richards and the mannequin going at it in the car.)

Elaine makes a huge fuss at the clothing store about the mannequin, but this episode is really about why people DON'T speak up. Tom Gammill and Max Pross got the idea for this episode from an incident that happened to the real Jerry Seinfeld. In the opening scene of the show, Jerry's girlfriend, Audrey, refuses pie without offering an explanation other then wordlessly shaking her head. One of Seinfeld's dates perplexed the comedian with similar behavior, and so Gammill and Pross set out to solve, through their writing, why she might have refused the pie. They never quite get to the bottom of Audrey's behavior, but Jerry and George find themselves in two different circumstances leading them to turn down pie without explanation.

Audrey takes Jerry to her father's restaurant, Poppie's. Jerry, still pestering Audrey for answers on the apple pie refusal, goes to the restaurant bathroom. There he runs into Poppie coming out of one of the stalls. Poppie promises Jerry he will cook their dinner himself, but then leaves the restroom without washing his hands. Disgusted and shocked, Jerry floats back to Audrey in a daze. She questions him on his mood, but Jerry, revolted by the sight of Poppie kneading dough with his unwashed hands, can't bear to tell Audrey about her father's lack of hygiene. Later, Poppie serves them a pizza pie, but Jerry refuses to taste it, offending father and daughter without explaination. Later, George questions him:

GEORGE: Why didn't you just tell her?
JERRY: I don't think that's the kind of thing you want to hear about your father. But I'll tell you, when he came out of that bathroom and he was kneading that dough, it was a wild scene.

Jerry, never one to go to extreme lengths to save a relationship, doesn't want to create a disturbance in Audrey's relationship with her father. He lets things slide, both his relationship with Audrey and her father's dirty secret. Later Kramer tells Jerry he saw Audrey eating apple pie at Monk's. His curiosity piqued again, Jerry confronts her at Poppie's. They are interrupted by a health inspector who busts Poppie. While Audrey learns about her father's "problem," Jerry never gets his answers.

George gets a sweet deal on a new suit at the store with the Elaine mannequin. He hides the suit for a couple days while he waits for an unadvertised sale, thwarting another size 40-short guy who wanted the suit. George wears the new suit to a job interview with an intense businessman named MacKenzie along with two of his employees. The interview goes well. George even admits to MacKenzie he was concerned that the swooshing noise his suit made might hurt his chances at the job. After they eat, the waiter brings out a piece of apple pie, compliments of the chef who, according to the waiter's mysterious explanation, made it especially for George. Baffled, George looks around and spots the chef. It's the guy he hoodwinked out of the suit. George, perhaps too embarrassed to go into the details of his feud with the chef, refuses to taste the pie without giving the other men an explanation. They take his failure to taste the dessert a sign that he isn't a team player. George doesn't get the job, but as he tells Jerry, "I was the only one at the table that didn't get violently ill."

Both George and Jerry COULD have told the truth and explained their refusal to have a bite of pie. In the moment, both chose to avoid an awkward conversation. In the long run, there were even worse consequences for both men because they didn't speak up. We can blame their lack of courage, but we can also understand how strong the instinct to avoid awkwardness can be.