SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 12 - The Money

“The Money”

First Script Read:  December 15, 1996

Filmed: Sunday-Tuesday, December 15-17, 1996

Aired: January 16, 1997

Nielsen rating: 24.5

Audience share: 36

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Peter Mehlman

Money dominates the interactions in this episode, but in a variety of different and complex ways.

First, after Elaine pays for a package of coffee for George, he starts to think she is sticking it to him that she makes more money than he does. Since J. Peterman disappeared off to Burma, Elaine has taken over the management of his catalog and is thus earning a higher salary as well as stock options. George tries to one-up Elaine by buying her a ridiculously extravagant coffee machine, ostensibly to thank her for buying him the coffee. George can't even accept a friendly gesture without looking for some underlying purpose.This rivalry is short-lived, however, as Peterman returns and resumes command of his catalog, sending Elaine back to her old job and salary. At the end of the episode she exhibits the same form of jealously George did, suspecting George of sticking it to her that he makes more than she does.

Meanwhile, Jerry's parents are visiting New York. They let slip that they sold Jerry's Cadillac and want him to have the money, having heard that he bounced a check (an event that happened in the previous episode that was only remedied by Jerry's entry into the world of underground cock fighting). Jerry, who is financially doing fine, is furious. He sneaks down to Florida to buy the Cadillac back from Jack Klompus, his father's friend and occasional rival. Klompus sells it back for a profit. Jerry returns to New York, but has to fly right back to Florida when Klompus drives the Cadillac into a swamp. Jerry has to pay for the car to be cleaned. The flights, the car, and the cleaning cost Jerry $20,000, but he is satisfied that he got the Cadillac back to his parents. Unfortunately, they still don't believe that their son is financially stable. Worrying how they will have to support their son, the Seinfelds sell their condo and buy a camper that they attach to the back of the Cadillac.

Finally, with all the talk about money, George begins to greedily contemplate how much his parents will leave him when they die. He asks them about their family's health history, hoping that they might pass on sooner rather than later. His inquiries backfire when he parents recognize their own mortality and decide to start spending their money. With Kramer's help, they realize they can't spend it fast enough in New York (which doesn't make sense, but whatever). They pose their dilemma to George:

FRANK: George, your mother and I, and Kramer have been talking.
GEORGE: Oh god.
KRAMER: Uh, George, your parents can't blow through their savings in this community. It's low-rent. Now, we feel that Florida is really the place where they should be.
FRANK: You can drop a grand in Disneyworld like that!
GEORGE: Wait a minute. You're thinking of moving to Florida again?! (See season 7, episode 15)
ESTELLE: Well, it's either that or we stay here near you and just sit on the money. What do you think we should do Georgie?

George is torn between his desire for money and his desire to far away from his parents. Ultimately, he tells his parents he wants them to stay...at which point they inform him they are moving to Florida and were only humoring him by asking his opinion. That's okay with George, who immediately starts basking in his buffer zone. The arrangement is short-lived, however. In Florida Frank spots Jerry sleeping in the back of the Cadillac; he's maxed out his credit card and can't afford a hotel. Deciding that there are too many bums in Florida, Frank announces that they are moving back to New York. (Again, it makes no sense.)

Jerry and his parents are the only redeeming characters in this study of relationships between friends, family, and money. George and Elaine are greedy and jealous. The Costanzas would rather spend money on themselves than their son. Klompus takes advantage of first the Seinfelds than Jerry. The problem Jerry faces with his parents is that they can't seem to trust each other. Stubbornly, they talk past each other. To satisfy his own sense of responsibility, Jerry insists on giving his parents gifts that they claim not to want. Jerry's parents don't trust their son's words - or talents - enough to believe he is financially stable, thus their constant refusal of his gifts. Their generosity towards each other masks their lack of intimacy.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 11 - The Little Jerry

“The Little Jerry”

First Script Read: Sunday, November 24, 1996

Filmed: Monday-Wednesday, November 25-27, 1996

Aired: January 9, 1997

Nielsen rating: 23.0

Audience share: 33

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Jennifer Crittenden

The season eight self-reflectivity continues in Kurt (played by the brilliant John Michael Higgins), Elaine's boyfriend who transforms into George when he realizes he is going bald. The hilarious irony is, in this case, Kurt has already been shaving his head. "That's like using a wheelchair for the fun of it!" George whines at this news. Kurt likes it, though, and Elaine thinks its bold and attractive...until she sees his driver's license photo. "I could be dating this hair?!?" she exclaims, prompting Kurt to stop shaving his head, which leads to his unpleasant discovery. George tells Kurt he has about a year before his head resembles George's.

KURT: Is there anything I can do?

GEORGE: Yes. Live, dammit! Live! Every precious moment as if this was the last year of your life. Because in many ways...it is.

Inspired, Kurt tries to get Elaine to marry him but she hesitates. He heads back to George's apartment for advice. George is out. He's off bragging to Jerry about his fugitive girlfriend, Celia, who, after George sabotaged her parole request, broke out of jail and delighted George with escape convict sex. Kurt finds Celia moments before the police burst in:

DETECTIVE #2: Mr. Costanza, you're under arrest for aiding and abetting a known fugitive.
KURT: Ha! I'm not George Costanza!
DETECTIVE #2: Save it. We know you're bald. We know it's you. Let's go!

Kurt fights the cop because, as he explains later to Elaine, "I'm not THAT bald!" He ends up in jail for 10 to 14 months. Elaine, realizing he'll be bald by the time he is free, decides they are through.

It's amusing that even the cops can't see past Kurt's baldness to realize that he is not George Costanza. Once again, it underscores the superficiality of the Seinfeld universe. Elaine seems ridiculous for rejecting bald Kurt when she had previously approved of his shaved head, but everyone else has the same attitude toward it, including Kurt. So perhaps the problem with baldness is more than aesthetic. Here it seems almost to signify a character fault. Does baldness cause George to be a loser? Does being a loser cause George to go bald? Or is the baldness merely an external indicator of his internal condition? Kurt is becoming bald. Therefore he is becoming a loser like George.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 10 - The Andrea Doria

“The Andrea Doria”

First Script Read: Thursday, November 14, 1996

Filmed: Monday-Wednesday, November 18-20, 1996

Aired: November 28, 1996

Nielsen rating: 19.9

Audience share: 31

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Spike Feresten

Which is a worse experience: surviving a sinking cruise ship disaster? Or living the life of George Costanza? That's what the tenant association of George's building seeks to find out as he tries to convince them his life has been more of a tragedy than the survivor of the wreck of the Andrea Doria. After the survivor tells his tale, George steps up and describes several events that have happened to him over the course of the show.

Once again in season eight the storyline offers an opportunity to take a step back and examine the entirety of these characters. In this case, the episode grapples with how sad George's life has been. George succeeds in convincing the tenant association that his life is the greater tragedy though he ultimately loses the apartment when Elaine's ex-boyfriend, the bad breaker-upper, bribes the superintendent with $40.

Meanwhile, Jerry's rivalry with Newman takes a strange turn. Newman fails to get his dream transfer to Hawaii and starts storing his undelivered mail in Kramer's borrowed half of Jerry's storage space. Jerry wants the mail gone from his storage and, moreover, when Newman finds he is still in the running for his tropical transfer, Jerry wants Newman gone from his life. The two agree to an alliance, and Jerry helps Newman deliver the mail. Unfortunately, the post office finds out Newman wasn't walking his route because too many people got their mail.

As usual, the post office is belittled by a Newman story. His normal incompetence and carelessness towards his duty is taken as typical for the occupation. In the Seinfeld universe, Newman is a successful postman because the job's bar is set so low.

SEINFELD - Season 8, Episode 9 - The Abstinence

“The Abstinence”

First Script Read: Friday, November 1, 1996

Filmed: Wednesday, November 6, 1996

Aired: November 21, 1996

Nielsen rating: 22.6

Audience share: 34

Directed: Andy Ackerman

Writer: Steve Koren (This is the first of five scripts credited to Koren who was on the writing staff through the final two seasons.)

As in "The Bizarro Jerry," "The Abstinence" doesn't just cross the line between coincidence and magic; it flies far beyond it. George's girlfriend has mononucleosis so she can't have sex with him for up to six weeks. Initially he panics but gradually Jerry notices positive effects of his friend's abstinence. He is nailing the answers to Jeopardy and quickly picks up Portuguese from his cleaning woman.

JERRY: You're no longer pre-occupied with sex, so your mind is able to focus.

GEORGE: You think?

JERRY: Yeah. I mean, let's say this is your brain. [HOLDS UP LETTUCE HEAD] Okay, from what I know about you, your brain consists of two parts: the intellect, represented here [PULLS OFF TINY PIECE OF LETTUCE], and the part obsessed with sex. [HOLDS UP REMAINING LETTUCE] Now granted, you have extracted an astonishing amount from this little scrap. But with no-sex-Louise, this previously useless lump, is now functioning for the first time in its existence.

 

George starts reading physics books and passes on hitting tips to Yankees players. Eventually he even turns down sex with Louise because he is enjoying his intelligence. 

Meanwhile, inspired by George's results, Elaine stops having sex with her boyfriend to help him pass his medical exams. It works for him, but Elaine starts getting dumber. Jerry figures out why.

JERRY: Wait a second, I know what's happening. The no sex thing is having a reverse effect on you.

ELAINE: What? What are you talking about?

JERRY: To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid.

ELAINE: I don't understand.

JERRY: Exactly.

It's a zany, comical theory, and its proven by the drastic change in the two characters. However, that same major shift within this one episode is not in keeping with the Seinfeld style. Like "The Bizarro Jerry," it's funny and interesting for the audience to see the opposite of what they've come to expect from these well-known characters. But the edge of the social commentary that worked so brilliantly under Larry David's watch is dulled by the drastic move into cartoonishness. It's still funny. It just rings a little more hollow.