SEINFELD - Season 3, Episode 1 - The Note

"The Note"

First Script Read:  Wed August 9, 1991

Filmed: 7:30 pm Tuesday, August 13, 1991

Aired: September 18, 1991 (Season Premiere)

Nielsen rating: 15.1

Audience share: 25

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry David

Oh George and his wacky homophobia! 

In this memorable episode (we're rapidly approaching the point where every Seinfeld episode is memorable), George and Elaine follow Jerry's lead in trying to score free massages courtesy of doctor's notes procured from Jerry's dentist friend, Roy. George and Elaine end up at the therapist's together. George gets stuck with Raymond, a giant, fit, Nordic, ex-flight attendant who wears skinny t-shirts and skinnier jeans that accentuate his package. Raymond is affable and gentle. And there is nothing about his personality or demeanor that suggests he is gay. Just the flight attendant and skinny clothes things.

Whether or not the show was trying to hit a few stereotypical gay traits doesn't really matter. It just ramps up the humor, since George was petrified of the idea of getting a massage from a man even before he gazed up and down and up at Raymond.

George's homophobia paralyzes him. As Raymond tries to work, George freezes and can barely speak. After, he walks slowly out of the office, ignoring Elaine's questions. He is terrified because it moved. (For the second episode in a row, Larry David simultaneously navigates network censors and explores the comedic possibilities of avoiding an edgy term. In "The Deal" it was "sex." In "The Contest" it will be "masturbation." Here, in "The Note," it is "penis.") Jerry tries to reassure George. "That's not the test," he tells George. "Contact is the test. If it moves as a result of contact."

George is more terrified of being gay then of gay people, which seems to me to be the more offensive option of the two when you think about it. Jerry and George navigate a slightly different fear in the season four classic, "The Outing," the famous "not that there's anything wrong with that" episode. In that episode, the duo are afraid others will think they are gay. In "The Note" George deals with a fantastic, hilarious, and dark crisis of his own sexuality.

Jerry's culminating stand-up bit suggests such a fear is latent in all men:

What causes homophobia?  What is it that makes a heterosexual man worry?  I think it's because men know that deep down we have weak sales resistance.  We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right.  Men think, "Obviously I can be talked into anything.  What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store, thinking it's a shoe store, and the salesman goes, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around the store a little bit, see how you feel.  No obligation, no pressure, just try it.  Would you like to see him in a sandal?'"

It's funny and ridiculous, but it is also honest and, from the vantage point of twenty years, slightly troubling. Unlike the best episodes of South Park and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which successfully parody insensitivity and ignorance by portraying characters as irredeemably flawed, this episode never quite establishes George's position as wrongheaded. Jerry's comments actually affirm George. But the more gay people are accepted in American society, the less they will be defined as somehow threatening, and the more Jerry's comments, and this episode, will feel dated.

That's a good thing. The fact that this episode is starting to feel dated already is a sign of progress. And its dated-ness is interesting to historians seeking to understand perceptions towards gays in 1991, when homosexuality was still considered contagious.

Bonus spin-off idea: What if Everybody Loves Raymond was about Raymond, the tall, handsome, ambiguously gay masseur?

SEINFELD - Season 2, Episode 9 - The Deal

“The Deal”

First Script Read:  Monday, February 25, 1991

Filmed: Friday, March 1, 1991

Aired: May 2, 1991 (NBC’s Warren Littlefield agreed to pick it up 2 weeks later)

Nielsen rating: 15.5

Audience share: 25 (22.6 million)

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry David

Awards: Larry David received an Emmy nomination for writing this episode

Larry David's writing in this episode is superb, from George's "I want details" speech to the negotiation between Jerry and Elaine over how they can have sex without a dating relationship. David also deserves some directing credit for coaching Julia Louis-Dreyfus to be more matter-of-fact than sexual in her performance in the negotiation scene.

Two seasons later David would write an even more famous episode, "The Contest," in which the word "masturbation" is never uttered despite the fact that the entire story revolves around it. Similarly, in this episode, the words "sex" or "sleep together" are never used during Jerry and Elaine's lengthy conversation. Instead, sex is referred to only as "that," sometimes accompanied by a gesture in the direction of the bedroom.

The rules Jerry and Elaine come up with are revealing of early 1990s American dating norms:

Rule #1

JERRY: For example, now, I call you whenever I'm inclined and vice versa.
ELAINE: Right.
JERRY: But if we did that, we might feel a certain obligation to call.
ELAINE: Well why should that be? Oh, I have an idea. I have an idea. No call the day after that.

When Jerry tells George about the rules the next day, George is particularly fond of this one:

GEORGE: So you're havin' the sex, next day you don't have to call. That's pretty good!

Actually, the line itself doesn't do Jason Alexander's delivery justice. He has just ranted and raved to Jerry that it is impossible to have regular sex without a dating relationship. He hears the first rule and mutters this line to himself as he recognizes its brilliance. "That's pretty good."

For Jerry and George, this rule liberates them from relationship obligations for a 24-hour period following the sex act. It underscores their independence from the woman, allowing them to do whatever they want in the woman's absence the next day.

Rule #2

JERRY: Now here's another little rule. When we see each other now, we retire to our separate quarters. But sometimes, when people get involved with that, they feel pressure to sleep over, when that is not really sleep. Sleep is separate from that. And I don't see why sleep got all tied up and connected with that.
ELAINE: Okay, okay. Spending the night is optional!

And, again, here is George's commentary:

GEORGE: I know less about women than anyone in the world. But one thing I do know is they're not happy if you don't spend the night. It could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little army cot this wide [holds up a French fry]. You're not going anywhere.

George is proven right. This is the first rule that raises tension between Jerry and Elaine. At Elaine's apartment, Jerry announces he is going to leave even as he is still buttoning up his shirt. Immediately, Elaine is upset. Jerry reminds her of the rule, but Elaine has a different interpretation: "It's my house. It's my option."

Male independence is at the heart of this rule, too. Alone in his own home, the male is liberated to his own routines and behavior without having any responsibilities to care for the female. Elaine's displeasure reveals the emotional attachment formed (to no one's surprise) by the female after repeated physical intimacy. She apparently cannot help herself.

Rule #3

ELAINE: What about the kiss goodnight?
JERRY: Tough one. You're call.
ELAINE: It's bourgeois.

George is so certain of the flaws in rule #2 that Jerry doesn't get around to telling him rule #3. It does come up as Jerry is leaving Elaine's apartment after their disagreement over whether he should spend the night. He leans in for a kiss but Elaine leans away, reminding him of the rule. For Jerry it seems to have been an act of habit, empty and fleeting. Elaine is probably still upset that Jerry isn't spending the night. Jerry's departure is a blow to her emotional needs, so she is suddenly hesitant to engage in even the smallest physical gesture of love. Indeed, as far as the audience can tell, Jerry and Elaine don't have sex again until Jerry agrees to a full-fledged dating relationship with Elaine.

There is nothing terribly surprising in the assumptions Seinfeld makes about gender roles in relationships. In fact, as usual, it relies on gender stereotypes. The fact that the characters would consider a relationship-less sex arrangement is not so reflective of the show's moment in time as it is of changing sexual norms in America after World War II.

Interestingly, though NBC had pushed David to write more romance for the Jerry and Elaine characters, the audience response, at least from the audiences polled by Jerry Seinfeld during his comedy tour that summer, was that they did not want to see them together. (This is according to David on the DVD's "Inside Look" at this episode.) It's hard to know exactly why the audience was not interested in Jerry getting together with Elaine. In part, it may have been Louis-Dreyfus's performance, playing Elaine as one who was strong-willed, independent, and desirable, yet at the same time a woman who got along well with the guys. Perhaps the audience also sensed, even at the early stages of the series, that the characters' relationships were inherently doomed. It was better for the future of the show and it met audience expectations when the Jerry-Elaine relationship was dropped without mention between seasons. The two were now free to find short-lived misery with other dating relationships, and endless consolation and friendship with each other.

SEINFELD - Season 2, Episode 7 - The Revenge

“The Revenge”

First Script Read:  Wed, February 13, 1991

Filmed: Wed, February 20, 1991 (Filming delayed a day because of President’s Day holiday)

Aired: April 18, 1991

Nielsen rating: 14.4

Audience share: 24

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry David

 There is no grace in the world of Seinfeld. Both acts of revenge in this episode occur after characters have sought grace for their mistakes and found none.

Well, to be fair, George tries to avoid to "asking forgiveness" step. After he quits his job in a moment of rage, he tries to go back to work Monday like nothing had happened. When his boorish boss calls him on it, George claims he was just kidding. His boss throws him out, leading George, with Elaine's help, to drug the man at a company party.

Jerry seeks grace from a gruff laundromat operator when he accidentally leaves $1500 in his laundry bag, which is nowhere to be found when he collects his laundry a few days later. The operator claims he didn't see it, refers Jerry to a sign, "not responsible for lost valuables," and washes his hands of the matter. Kramer convinces Jerry, the most non-confrontational of all of the characters, to seek revenge. They execute a scheme to dump concrete in one of the laundry machines.

Surprisingly for the sitcom, both acts of revenge actually work, though there are a few bumps along the road, literally in the case of Michael Richards' classic physical performance with the bag of concrete. George and Elaine drug the boss. Jerry and Kramer concrete (if that's the right verb) the laundry machine. The comeuppance arrives after the revenge moment. Before his boss sips his poisoned drink, he offers George the job back, though he demeans George at the same time. Kramer later finds the missing cash mixed in with his laundry which he had convinced Jerry to take for him.

An act of grace supersedes justice. George didn't deserve to get his job back. Jerry didn't deserve to be compensated by the laundromat operator, especially since Kramer mistakenly had the money after all. There is no grace in the world of Seinfeld, but in this episode at least, there is justice.

SEINFELD - Season 2, Episode 8 - The Heart Attack

"The Heart Attack"

First Script Read:  Wed, February 6, 1991

Filmed: February 12, 1991

Aired: April 25, 1991

Nielsen rating: 14.7

Audience share: 24

Directed: Tom Cherones

Writer: Larry Charles

Larry Charles wrote this story about George's infected tonsils (which the character mistakes for a heart attack) out of his own fear of aging, according to the DVD's "Notes about Nothing." Fear of aging, fear of death, and, especially, fear of the aged are frequent themes in Seinfeld. This episode offers several different ways that different characters cope with their mortality.

George is overcome by his fears to the point of hypochondria. Throughout the episode he goes into fits of panic when he is confronted by illness. Thinking he has suffered a heart attack at the age of 33, and goaded by the teasing of Jerry and Elaine, George taps into a couple stages of grief. Depressed, he half-seriously asks Jerry to kill him. Soon he begins bargaining: 

GEORGE: I'll tell ya, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen thing. Take up yoga, meditate. I'll eat right. Calm down, lose my anger... (Jerry and Elaine aren't paying attention.) Hey, is anybody listening?!

No, George. No one wants to listen. Larry Charles comments, "George, as we all have, making insane proclamations that he has no intention of keeping." But I can think of people who have gone through stressful or life-threatening circumstances and, indeed, changed their worldview and life behavior. Charles' attitude reflects the cynicism at the heart of the show, one that ultimately works well for Seinfeld's humor.

In part out of his own cheapness, in part out of his conclusion that the medical system he has trusted his whole life has let him down, George turns to alternative medicine...and it does not go well. He only finds peace in his suffering when a wish he has held since he was a child is fulfilled at the close of the episode; Elaine gives him ice cream after his tonsillectomy.

Jerry and Elaine are utterly unwilling to engage with mortality, either George's or their own. Even as George believes he is having a heart attack, neither of his friends takes him seriously. They mock him throughout the episode, just as the show will mock the elderly and the dead throughout its run.

Kramer is suspicious of George's ailments because he is suspicious of the medical profession. His faith in alternative medicine, which is actually fulfilled at the end of the episode, allows him to redirect any anxiety he might have about death towards doctors and hospitals.

Even the ambulance drivers aren't preoccupied with their own patient's illness. They are instead focused on an argument about a piece of candy. Ironically, this leads to a car accident that almost kills them.